Encourage one another. Live in harmony and peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss. —2 Corinthians 13: 11-12 REFLECTIONS ON THE RECENT DEATH IN OUR COMMUNITY Dear Parents and Guardians, There can be no greater sorrow for a parent than to lose a child—and, thank God, not many of you have had to endure that experience. Few of us can even imagine what it is like to suffer the loss of a child. In ways large and small, the death of junior Dominick Doyle has touched the entire community. Some have been shaken to the core; others will experience it less intensely—but all of us are affected by this death. For some of our students, this is the first experience of the death of someone close to them. For others, it is the first experience of the death of someone their own age. In addition to the questions that always confront us at such a time, the sudden death of a young person unleashes a special torrent of questions among his or her peers. (Why didn’t I take the keys? Why didn’t I tell someone? Why didn’t I reach out? Is there some sign I missed?) And when the death is a suicide, the anger, guilt, and confusion can be overwhelming. Those close to the person have a special kind of loss to deal with. But all sorts of feelings can also be unleashed in young people not necessarily close to the person who died, but who may already be struggling with issues of depression, loneliness, breakups, a relative’s death, etc. Last Friday, when news of Dominick’s death became known, the entire community of Regis Jesuit came together in sorrow, support and prayer. Some students simply sat side by side in the hallway—silent at first, then crying, quietly talking, praying and hugging. Some went to class, where perhaps they were able to share their questions and confusion. Some spoke to counselors, teachers or coaches. The football team gathered in the field house where they could remember their teammate, pray and begin to wrestle with the impact of this sudden death. Some parents came to school simply to be near their children. Others came to pick them up, feeling that home was the best place to be at that moment. During mid-morning, rosaries were said in both divisions. Shortly after noon a memorial Mass was held in the Boys gymnasium. Nearly a thousand students sat side-by-side on the floor, with many parents and teachers on chairs nearby. The holy silence of that room expressed powerfully the reality of grief and love that no words could express. I write today to simply voice my awe and gratitude to this community, and to affirm that all of us will need to offer even more generously than usual the precious gifts of presence and attention to our children in the weeks and months ahead. During school hours teachers, counselors, coaches and school administrators can offer to parents those extra sets of eyes and ears that are often able to spot early signs of trouble. But they can never replace the time and attention to their children that parents can give. Honest conversation when the time is right; extra hugs; family meals—such simple gifts, but so important at a time like this. Not many parents feel prepared to deal with situations like this. Excuse the cliché, but it really does take a village. You can be a great source of support to one another. You can help each other immensely by paying attention to each other’s children. Ask questions. As you know, some kids find it easier to talk to their friends’ parents than their own! |
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